I had more than good luck on my side when I chose to join
Caroline Beam and her dissertation committee for her defense of Perceptions and Enactment of Instructional
Coaching in North Carolina. In fact,
I could not be more pleased with my choice, for her defense not only peaked my
interest about the concept of liminality and the methodology of portraiture but
also allayed my fears about the dissertation defense.
Beam began her presentation with a
discussion of her theoretical framework:
liminality, a threshold that maintains a sense of ambiguity because its
inhabitants may feel between two stages in life. This idea speaks to me on both
a personal and a professional level, for I feel that I have lived in the
liminality between teaching and administration for the last three years. Beam’s discussion of two books, The Magic Toyshop and Borderlands, gave me resources to peruse
in my own research, understanding, and even self-preservation; moreover, her
discussion provided me with a concrete explanation of what I believed was
phenomenon unique to my own experience.
From her dialogue, I gained insight on thresholds, ambiguity, invisible
space, and multiple identities. I was
honestly comforted by the knowledge that I am not the only professional who has
experienced this loneliness and that I can find literature which can bring me
more illumination.
Beam
answered her research questions concerning the role of the instructional coach
through creating three individual portraits of successful instructional
coaches. She explained that the book Art of Science and Portraiture gave her
the tools to tell these “stories” of her subjects with an artistic flair. Her methodology incorporated a blended
approach that included both empirical and aesthetic evidences. Not surprisingly, I look forward to learning
more about processes of portraiture that seem to include place, purpose,
preparation, and perimeters of subjects. I am also curious to know more about this
type of dissertation that is both readable and positive, for it provides an
appreciative approach to research. I
don’t particularly like complaining, but I do often feel the need to discuss
issues and understand why problems exist.
I feel confident that I will read more about portraiture in my search to
start this process for myself.
Beam’s
confidence and comfort during her presentation provided me with a wealth of
understanding and reassurance concerning this process. When I ask my own students to present
information, I ask them to prove to me that they are “experts” in their topics
of choice. Without a doubt, Caroline
proved herself to be the expert in the room on liminality and the role of the
instructional coach. She was comfortable
in that space, and she was well received by the evaluators in the room. In fact, there was no need for her to be
defensive at all. The committee members
asked questions that furthered the conversation rather than detracted from her
research, and I found myself feeling proud of Caroline once she finished
sharing her accomplishments with those who wanted to listen. My big takeaway from this event is my own honest
excitement to develop and complete my own research, paper, and defense.
Experiencing this defense was for
me somewhat therapeutic. Even though I
do not question my own decision to embark on this Long Doc Road, others do (and they do often). My work friends are proud of me, but many of
my colleagues think that I’ve pushed myself to do too much. They question how I can work and go to school,
how I can be a mom and go to school, and how I can drive up the mountain once a
week. For me the answer is simple: “I can do all of this because I want to.” I want to feel the same sense of
accomplishment that I suspect Caroline Beam feels right now. Her long doc road is coming to an end, and
I’m sure that she will have to make some decisions about where to turn next.
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